If you are looking for the safe life I am afraid neither I nor anyone can help you there. You love deep conversations, the natural world, valiant men...and valiant women for that matter. You, as Thoreau did, "esteem truth remote behind the farthest star, before Adam and after the last man"...yet you have a practical side as well so you won't push all your chips into the middle of the table on a mere hunch. You see that times have changed but you fancy yourself able to have handled someone like Richard Burton in his prime. A part of you longs for high drama "somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the Republic rolled on under the night" and you move in that direction on an eve or two but then comes retreat into the sunlight and the sounds and calls of daily life. One foot the sensuous mystic, the other a soldier of the world. A poem transports you and music expands your senses. You have imagination which Einstein hailed as more important than knowledge. You have reason enough. You have soul. Ahhh sure now, you have your faults as well...but with a prelude like that, who the hell cares?